Wednesday, 29 February 2012

Tuesday, 28 February 2012

Ohio School Shootings

For more reasons than I care to enter, I homeschool my younger children. Fear was never a deciding factor although I have had arguments with people about whether I am afraid of the big wide world biting my kids in the arse or not. (No.)

That said, I'm not oblivious to school systems and current events around the world, so when I see on my newsfeed a reference to another shooting, I thank the internet for reliable access to news sources and go read up. CBS coverage was the first page I looked up via Google.

This is a paragraph quoted from the above linked story:

How inappropriate are good ole Police Chief Tim McKenna's comments in relation to a school shooting?

Monday, 27 February 2012

Spit or Swallow

I could write more but I think it's self explanatory (and gross).

Sunday, 26 February 2012

Mail Order

There is so much win in today's submission, I just wanted to give gold stars all around.

To begin we have Pink's gushing adulation for a picture by Blue and Blue is right, Pink always speaks so eloquently about the love of his life, which just happens to be Purple.
Now first off Maroon breaks the love-in by a misreading accidentally or on purpose, Pink isn't deterred, he still has appreciation to unload. It's at this point Yellow earns his gold star, his comments are funny, work on multiple levels and they reference The Big Lebowski. Then Purple, bless her, rather than basking in Pink's adoration, leaps in with a witty comment of her own and shows herself not only to be a lady of fabulous physical attraction but also possessing a good sense of humour as well (bitch).

Saturday, 25 February 2012


It's Lent, I decided to give up bread for six weeks as I absolutely love all types of bread/pastry products and for me it's quite the sacrifice.

Others are being equally generous.

Yeah, good luck with that!

Friday, 24 February 2012


My eldest child is studying in college and between his girlfriend, Granny, friends, work I don't get to see as much of the precious (precocious) lamb as much as I would like. Because my phone is a brick, I must make fake iphones texts to show the genuine conversations between he and I.

Thursday, 23 February 2012

Orc Pron

I was tempted to link some imagery, but really googling orc porn opens a world of Hentai possibilities I don't wish to encounter.

Wednesday, 22 February 2012

When American's Do Accent's

I do love Disney Pixar films but let's face it most American actors fail mercilessly when it comes to accents, anyone recall Meryl Streep shrieking "Ah dango's goat mi babbie" for example in A Cry in the Dark?

So, I was kind of relieved that on cast lineup inspection they had actually employed Scottish actors (and Emma Thompson).

Also, this book should annoy Mel Gibson, if he chances across it:

(Random Fact: One of the authors shares a name with a close family friend.)

Tuesday, 21 February 2012


My beloved internet tablet died about a month ago and I keep trying to hint to my husband to buy me a new one for our upcoming anniversary. Maybe this will help, if he reads the blog that is.

Considering I only got it in September last year, I was surprised how attached I had become to a computer thingamy, I am assured that is the technical term btw. I'm not a total technophobe but pretty close, for example, I haven't replaced my mobile phone in seven years. Although, personally I view that as a positive.

But most of my other friends have embraced the technological age and their kids are well equipped to go out into the big wide world (web).

Monday, 20 February 2012

Who is Paul McCartney?

Today's offering was pure fruity goodness offered up in a deadpan tone minutes after the original posting.

In keeping with today's post: Paul McCartney wrote Yellow Submarine 

Sunday, 19 February 2012

Mardi Gras

Trying to keep at least some little snippet daily, however small.

Friday, 17 February 2012

Driving Miss Crazy

Today I met a woman on the road who I must retrospectively bow before the master. I had been about to turn right at a three way "y" shaped intersection, when she comes barreling over a hill, forcing me off the road and into a ditch. I am stunned trying to get my wits around me as an afternoon of duck feeding with two under fives results in such a near miss. The guy behind me, who had had to brake suddenly so he wouldn't rear end me, realises he still has all nine lives intact and drives off merrily.

I'm buried half in the ditch with my car's butt on the wrong side of the road as some rubberneckers begin to gather up at the intersection. I am still sitting in my seat counting fingers and toes when the other driver opens my passenger door and starts screaming about how I was the cause of such a close call, wait what? I didn't even get a chance as this woman is chewing me out, telling me I could have killed her, her three elderly passengers and my two daughters and what was I thinking?  I'm thinking,"But you were speeding over a blind hill."

Miss Five, bless her, pipes up from the backseat "Why are you so grumpy? Mummy said sorry." and that was the thing before I knew it, *I* had been apologising to her. I was doubting myself; maybe I was in the wrong, maybe she didn't cut me off, maybe I was the cause of upset in three elderly ladies, maybe I was the one responsible? I apologise, start my car, drive the 2-3 miles home, walk in the door, go get a hug from my husband, make a cup of tea, eat a chocolate digestive and all of a sudden:

I had been saving this for some motor sport special occasion, like Le Mans Grand Prix or the Indy 500 etc but after today's fiasco I think I can only agree totally with Yellow there are so many idiots on the road.

Thursday, 16 February 2012

For Cry

Can't even have an anti-whinge whinge anymore thanks to Orange.

Wednesday, 15 February 2012

Revenge of the Bitch

Three days late but here we are the concluding trilogy of my ongoing Ebay saga.
Loopy has qq'd like a pro and keeps contacting me to the point it seems like bizarre harassment.  She also contacts Ebay and states that I received my item after all and can she please have her money and to stop my refund.
I reply to several emails from Ebay saying, "Parcels received nil".
I decide to leave negative feedback and warn others of her .

Actually that's the thing, you do need to say more, especially when I copy and paste from my emails that Ebay sent me. Thought this saga was over? In the last 3 days I have received 9 emails from Ebay because yon crazy lady won't leave me alone; two direct points of contact with customer services.

Tuesday, 14 February 2012

Valentine's Day

I know, I know I promised more from my ebay saga but I forgot today was the 14th February.

Monday, 13 February 2012

Whitney Houston

I know I promised the concluding saga of Ebay Wars today but the amount of posts relating to the death of Whitney Houston on my newsfeed has prompted me to reshedule and share some tributes.

I stand behind the sentiment of the first post, not a fan either but credit where it's due, I cannot deny she was an icon of my youth.

Others used her death as a political statement because nothing tells the plight of a hungry, starved child like the death of a famous, troubled singer.

I applaud Green here, Whitney is barely cold and he is already relieving the tension by joking about the likely cause of her death. I entertain notions that his newsfeed has been filled up with overly sad women who used to watch The Bodyguard repeatedly when they were teenagers pining for romantic first loves.

As for Pink, truer words spoken in jest!

Updated edit: It may be too soon, but damn Purple that was funny!

Sunday, 12 February 2012

Attack of the Clothes

Yesterday, I began to narrate the woeful tale of my ebay purchase. Today, the chronicle continues.

Loopy tells me: "Posted on the 26th"; "My daughter was sick"; "Royal Mail say they delivered"; "Can I have your email/phone number for the police?" So on and so forth. Initially, my response was sympathetic, everyone has emergencies, sometimes your dog really does eat your receipt. However, she kept trying to contact me outside of ebay and asking me to drop the case as she had "proof of posting" but ebay had stopped payment and that was so rough for her while travelling back and forth to hospital.

Oh the guilt I felt! Running through my brain were visions of a child with some Victorian illness (sorry, I like steampunk).

The poor lamb separated from her mother all because Loopy could no longer afford to travel to the hospital. She became more and more erratic until I was metaphorically backing away from the computer thinking "Loopy = loopy".

And I waited.

Eventually on the glorious 9th February, heretoafter to be known as Resolution Day (at least in the confines of this blog), I received this:

Liar! Turned out she had been just putting random letters and numbers in the tracking info. I was indignant but I was vindicated. Think that is the end? Wrong.

The trilogy concludes tomorrow.

Saturday, 11 February 2012

The Ebay Menace

It all began in the New Year, I decided to enrol Miss Five into Girl Guides, I made my enquiries, found a local troop that was starting fresh for 2012 at the end of January. I decided to save a bit of money and buy her uniform secondhand off ebay.

Saturday, January 14th: after two days of close watching, I win the auction, getting into a minor bidding war. Oh the excitement! I had already had a cursory look at Loopy's (not her real name, but apt) feedback profile, 99% positive. Good enough for me, 1 neutral remark about time delays and item not being exactly as described, nothing too major, besides I was buying a Girl Guides uniform, hardly much variation. I pay immediately and wait for delivery.

 Tues January 17th: Loopy sends me an email to say, item washed, ironed and will be posted on the 20th. I reply "okay, thanks" all the while thinking I'm going to wash it anyway but whatever flips your skirt.

All through January I wait for my parcel. I send a couple of emails asking if she has tracking information via the "contact the seller facility" and am summarily ignored.

OK, getting nowhere fast with Loopy, ebay resolution is my next port of call. Wouldn't you know it half an hour after making a ticket Loopy replies? So begins 10 days of vague emails.

to be cont'd....

Friday, 10 February 2012


About year and a half ago, I heard a strange mewling at my front door late on a chilly night as I was about to head to bed. I opened the front door to see what the noise was and a skinny, little bundle of orange fur leapt into my arms and began to purr. My husband and I had been adopted. We named her Jonesy as an Aliens reference and she has since been joined by another cat (Tadpole) who adopted us in the same fashion about a year later, making us wonder if she was out telling her mates "these guys are an easy touch for free food, bit of warmth and a massage".

Jonesy and the neighbours:

Jonesy and the red light zone:

Jonesy and the doll:

Thursday, 9 February 2012


Well, if you have read posts a few pages back, you would have seen my disdain for Twilight. Got to add to my lack of street cred also with saying not a huge fan of Artemis Fowl or Harry Potter books either. That said, I have a soft spot for anyone who has a minor dig at mass marketing promotional posters. So well done Black (black like Voldemort's heart), your digit joke of the digitally disfigured (try saying that 5 times in a row) Voldemort made us all giggle. He who must not be profane indeed.

Wednesday, 8 February 2012

Gummy Bear Wars

Many years ago, when I was a child, my father took me to see a museum touring exhibition of the terracotta warriors of Emperor Qin. (Really Dad? You couldn't just take me to the swing park?) all lined up ready for the afterlife battle they were actually pretty cool. When thinking about today's post I was reminded of them with this google image search:

Now I'm just left hankering for a Call of Duty 5 but featuring jelly baby commandoes as playable characters.

Tuesday, 7 February 2012


Q.  How do you get a Pikachu on the bus?
A.  You Pokemon.

No? Sorry, it's one of my favourite cheesy, kiddie jokes. Anyway, today's post is the summary conversation between my eldest child and myself, I was trying to get him to reply to some previous texts and he was ignoring me and playing Skyrim instead.

I used to like the kid but then I took an arrow...nope not going to overuse that particular popular culture reference on this blog. Not when I can overuse Pokemon references instead!

Monday, 6 February 2012


Has Steph-I'm-far-too-unique-(uneek?)-to-spell-my-name-a-nie Meyer books, merchandise, projects and the like, become too commonplace? Throughout the interwebs, her literary poison has spawned viral jokes about Bromance, sparkly vampires, emo bad hair days and massive age gap relationships.

In the November television slump, prior to the kid saves Christmas genre of December evening films, how bad do things have to get before you read the Twilight series? Is it a sliding scale?
If Miss It's Only Baby Fat doesn't shed her desired pounds on The Biggest Loser, are you forced to read the first chapter of New Moon? Are we to become driven to the edge with a copy of Eclipse if there is another CSI rerun? How bad is too bad for Twilight?

Sunday, 5 February 2012

Today's Top Story

Poor Blue, all he wanted to do was he was share his fifteen minutes of fame, it's not every day you get to become a minor celebrity in your hometown. All he had to do was get the link right showing his very humanitarian story and we would have all applauded him and given him his dues.

One corny, self depreciating mug shot joke was all it took for Purple to crowbar open the door and once it was open, Yellow stampeded through. "Blue's in the paper? Hot damn, let the gay jokes begin!" But I'll give Blue his credit now, there was no screaming hissy fit, Blue's no drama queen; he just laid down and took it like a man.

Saturday, 4 February 2012

I love the smell of lederhosen in the morning.

I play regularly at several MMO's but for those of you who live in a bubble and don't know what World of Warcraft is, it's an MMORPG and I have played for quite a few years. The fact that I have devoted a good chunk of my downtime to WoW means very little to the vast majority of the rest of the world, however within a small, pasty looking, geekish portion of the population it enables me extended bragging rights.

Thankfully, I am not alone in being able to brag longevity, I've been guilded with a great group of core people and we're always looking for likeminded souls to join us and so we come to today's submission from a guild recruitment thread on a WoW realm forum.

Friday, 3 February 2012

Couch Coaches

Ahh sport, around the world, in all it's variations, has ignited a primal urge to comment on the performance of our beloved teams. From the first sabretooth tiger bait and chase to today's modern impressive stadiums; we love, we cheer, we despair when our teams are on a losing streak. Our heroes are the coaches who bring the teams to a championship and we're happy to trash talk the opposing team on everything from their sexual preference, their physical attributes, the weight of their maternal parents and the promiscurity and animal lineage of their forebears.

We usually do so from the safety of our sofas but give a man a tv and he shall yell at it, give him a laptop and he shall commentate to the world with his Facebook status. Give him a misspelled slur on his beloved team and watch out because Blue is going down.

Thursday, 2 February 2012

Ice Ice Baby

Parenting words of wisdom such as this don't come in "some sort of book". Red is an action lady tyvm, I'm going to sort the problem. My poor little Pink was in pain dammit. I don't have time to photograph her with her little tongue glued to the ice or tell any of my FB friends what my little darling did in a momentary brain fart.

Yellow 's vision of a young woman on her wedding day, walking up the aisle with a fridge wheeled up beside her, will never come to fruition. Thankfully however, whenever the time comes for Purple  to compete in the Darwin awards there will be photograph's aplenty all over the internet that Brown and Yellow can chuckle over to their hearts content.

Wednesday, 1 February 2012

Duck Season

Well, as blogging is all fresh and new to me and I'm going to have to go through umpteen old screenshots, forums and FB statuses to find all the mini gems from my very funny friends, I thought for my initial post I would share a FB status from this very morning. It is slightly different from what I intend this blog to be about as it's my reply but I thought it unintentionally funny as the woman deleted my post, me and the second and third line of her status afterwards.